It's Not Me, It's You

the break up you know you need.

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Months have passed and we have gained access into days we will never see with our own eyes. Access into a life we will never change, just a passing set of digits in our device, filling the void between scrolling, living and searching. Neither one of us is interested in the other. Nothing said or done has sparked interest or curiosity.

One of us will try — a thoughtful question, a bold statement, a reaching past the surface. It won’t hold. Depth is the glue and we came here without it. One of our quirks will turn the other off. One of us will be offended by a point of view from a person we do not yet, or ever will, know.

Our way of being has become reductionist in the quest for something as complex as love. Spoon feeding liquified traits to one another to make ourselves digestible. Compartmentalizing complexity into shared activity and calling it connection.

We have not been taught to revere care, so we do what we have been taught — extract and transact. It leaves us both empty. We fill the void through WYD, R U Up texts hoping for more than an invitation to clash bodies. Starved for touch, communion and intimacy, we continue to operate from the shallow shores.

Soul II Soul knew. Caron Wheeler asking the only question worth sitting with:

Keep on movin’ Don’t stop like the hands of time Click clock, find your own way to stay The time will come one day Why do people Choose to live their lives this way?

Why do we choose this?

This cannot be what we’re calling love. If it is, I opt out. I’ll take weird. I’d rather be witnessed in the art of being. One day, another sacred soul will find me. When they do, it will be me living in analog at the Farmers Market, a museum, the library or hell, maybe at a play party.

Where they cannot find me is online. Not in the way I showed up previously. The polished version, waiting to be chosen by someone who wanted to be known only by the representative the world had shaped.

This is not an indictment of anyone’s way of being. It’s a distinction.

The ocean is both shallow and deep, different ecosystems exist in each; neither good nor bad, both necessary and rightly placed.

I belong where orcas play, in the deep, deep.

A profile will always be too shallow to hold, embody and promote the complexities of me. And so I say farewell dear apps. Farewell to allowing a fractional version of me to be chosen by another fraction being told we make the other whole — another lie.

For those seeking depth: the apps cannot hold us. So we return to life in analog. Soul to soul. Building connection through curiosity, whole to whole, complexity intact.

Consider this an invitation to embody your complexities, to honorably practice your unlearning, to be seen, felt and heard fully. I am inviting you to the best break up you’ve experienced. It’s not me, it’s you — apps, relationship programming and societal norms built on extraction. I am divine and whole from day one. The best way for any of us to remember this is to operate in analog.

Unlearning in Love J

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This is part of an ongoing exploration of self-love, authentic relationships, and the courage to love fully in a world that often makes love feel impossible. Writing has become a cathartic way of unlearning and relearning.

Some wonderful changes are coming and I want to make sure you are part of it If you haven’t done so already, subscribe and share with a friend.